This is your brain, on NANO.

So, I though I'd do this game with my Nano soundtrack, since it has, I think 200 songs in it? Or sommat? *looks* Oh, only 157. Shame. I must go shopping. ANYHOW, I've been wanting to do this for some time, but it takes time, and so I wreaked havoc instead. *chuckles*

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THE GAME

Set your music player on shuffle. For each new “scene” note down the song that comes next. So no cheating. Unless you feel it’s necessary to skip a tune (say, the same song comes up twice, etc.)

Opening Credits: Forever and Alway, Taylor Swift
Uh, this doesn't bode well. 
"It rains in your bedroom/ everything is wrong/ it rains when you're here/it rains when you're gone.."
But it IS a good song. *cheery*

Waking Up: Somewhere I Belong, Linkin Park
"I had nothing to say/ I got lost in the nothingness inside of me..."
Huh. 

Average Day: Pilgrim, Sarah Slean
"little blood and vomit on the vomit on the car seat/ and a tooth is sitting in my lap/brother if you're hungry but not wounded/it's time to stop and check the map."
This explains a lot, actually. :D

First Date: Alas My Love, dc Talk
"Alas my love we say goodbye/ Wipe the poison from my brow/Alas my love this guilty night/ Gives me up like a foster child/And in this moment I take my vow with these angels sleeping at my feet/ And in this moment you do not know how..."
This is my FIRST DATE? Good grief. 

Falling In Love: Shadowland, Sarah Slean
"There is no enemy/ There is nothing lacking/ You are perfect/ Swinging all ways and all directions/ You are Too Much and Too Little's child."
I could see how this works. *happy*

Fight scene: All She Wants To Do Is Dance, Eagles
"Molotov Cocktails/ the local drink/ And she wants to do is dance, dance/ Mix them up right in the kitchen sink/ And all she wants to do is dance."
YES. 

Breaking Up: Between You and Me, dc talk< "Sorrow is a lonely feeling/ unsettled is a painful place/ I've lived with both for far too long now/ Since we parted ways/ I've been wrestling with my conscience/ and I find myself to blame..." 
Wow. Uh, yeah. WOW. That's not applicable now, is it!?

Getting Back Together: Silhouette, White Heart
"I hear the rustle of the fallen leaves/ racing through the autumn hues/ and my heart is racing faster than the wind/ feel the beauty of it all come through..."
Dang it, that works really well too. At least we know what time of year it's gonna happen. :P

Secret Love: Ways & Means, Snow Patrol
Wow. He even has the stalker voice going on.
"Maybe I can do it if I put my back into it/I can leave ya if I wanted but there's no where else I can go/Maybe I won't suffer it I find a way to love er/ but there's no way out that I can see"

Life’s Okay: Rock On, KJ-52
"Are ya'll ready for this/rock on/Are we finished with this/ Rock On/You'll never mess with this/Rock On/ So come and get with this/ Rock On"
Oh YEAH. Nice......

Mental Breakdown: Mega-Mix, Newsboys
Well, I suppose that is rather fragmented. And it's all perky!  Perk! (mod. quote) Next please.

Driving: Love Story, Taylor Swift
Good driving song, yes. :D

Learning A Lesson: Everywhere, Michelle Branch
"Turn it inside it out so I can see/ the part of you that's drifting over me/when I wake you're, you're never there/ and when I sleep, you're everywhere."
Sounds like a freaky lesson.

Deep Thought: Step up to the Microphone
"Woo Hoo/I say hello/ To anyone who's listening/ Put on a show/ If that's what makes your ears prick."
I'm, concerned. 

Flashback: Jumper, capsule
The lyrics are kinda indecipherable, but it's Japanese techno. Nuff said. 

Partying: Shine, Newsboys
"The proof is when you ask yourself "what's my motivation?""
I go to good parties! *cheery*

Happy Dance: Jesus Is Alright, dc talk.
*big grin* Certainly a happy dance. 

Regretting: Time Is, dc talk.
"Time is, ticking away/ time is, ticking..."
This works. No further comments. ;)

Long Night Alone: Where I Stood, Missy Higgins
"I don't know, what I've done/ Or if I like, what I've begun/ But something told me to run/ and honey you know me/ It's all, what I've done."
Indeed. Sounds like it's good that I'm alone. 

Death Scene: Get Me Through December. Natalie MacMaster feat. Alison Krauss
"How pale is the sky/ that brings forth the rain/ as the changing of seasons/ prepares me again/ for the long bitter nights and the wild winter's day/ my heart is grown cold/ my love stole away/ my heart is grown cold/ my love stole away/ I've been to the mountain, left my tracks in the snow/ where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go/ I've taken the pain/ no girl should endure/ but faith can move mountains/ of that I am sure/ faith can move mountains/ of that I am sure/ just get me through December/ I promise I'll remember/ get me through December/ so I can start again."
Okay, whose death are we talking about? Get out of my head, fates. Huh. That is lovely, though. I love that song. 

How would you describe yourself? Crash and Burn, Savage Garden.
That's, uh, startlingly applicable. 

What do you like in a guy/girl? Desert Rose, White Heart
"Lost in a wind swept land/ in the world of shifting sand/ a fragile flower, stands apart/ There in that barren ground/ feel like the only one/ trying to serve Him with all your heart/ and you wonder, you wonder/ can you last much longer/ this cloud, you are under/ will it cover you?"
Oh, kay. I'd rather not have a fragile flower for a guy, but still...

What is your life’s purpose? Epitaph, Hey Rosetta!<
Hehehehe. 
"Bad luck's in town for the weekend, but it's keeping away from us..."
And more. Look up the lyrics, if you want. :D Hehehe.

What is your Motto? To America We Go, Ashley MacIssac and Mary Jane Lamond.
My motto is a Gaelic song accompanied by a flaming fiddler? I'm scared now. 

What Do Your Friends Think Of You? Jesus Freak (Reprise), dc talk.
ROFL. Mock opera FTW!

What Do Your Parents Think Of You? Reality, Newsboys.
"Mom and Dad I am fine how are you/ I have joined a small circus/ that much is true/ I'm a little malnurished but try to relax/ can you find a better photo for the milk carton back/ send money."
Oh, my. Nice. :D

What Do You Think Of Your Best Friends? Flowers of Strabane/Brother's Jig, Buddy Wasisname And The Other Fellers.<
Give er, ol man!

What Do You Think Of The Person You Like? We Are, Ana Johnsson
"Keep watching from your picket fence/ you keep talking but it makes no sense/ You say we're not responsible, but we are/ we are/ You wash your hands/ you come up clean/ but fail to recognize the enemies within/ You say we're not responsible but we are/ we are."
Sounds like a touchy relationship. o.O

What Do You Want To Be Like When You Grow Up? Hide and Seek, Imogen Heap
Spin me round/ again/ and rub my eyes/ this can't/ be happening/ when busy streets/ amess with people/ would stop to hold/ their heads/ heavy/ Hide and seek/ trains and sowing machines/ all those serious/ they were here first.." 
I'm insane?

What do You Think When You See The Person You Like? Gone, Tobymac
"I told the girl that you should treat her like a lady man/ she told me all the things you did and it was shady man/ she said that what you say and what you do are different things/while you were telling me that you were checking out them blingy rings."
Uh, okay. I am concerned about my taste in, uh, people, now.

What Song Will They Play At Your Wedding? Mother We Can't Get Enough, New Radicals.
"There's something about you/ tears me inside out whenever you're around/ there's something about you/ speedin' through my veins and then we hit the ground/ there's something about this rush/ take it away/ y'made me feel so good/ got a feelin'/ we got a feelin'/ we get a feelin/ like we could die/ Just can't get enough!"
Uh, right. Okay. *shy*

What Song Will They Play At Your Funeral? Jenny Don't Be Hasty, Paolo Nutini
Uh, I have no comment. Except that whoever is picking the songs has a very strange sense of humour.

What Is Your Hobby/Interest? Innocence, Avril Lavinge
"This innocence/ is brilliant/ I hope that it will stay/ this moment/ is perfect/please don't go away/ I need you now/and I'll hold on to it/don't you let it/ pass you by."
I'm, not sure what that's saying. MOVING ALONG, PEOPLE.

What Is Your Biggest Fear? Measure of a Man, Heather Dale
"Steel on steel/ break the blade that called him his rest/ and cast it to the deep/ light the pile/ name the one whose shield is on his chest/ and leave him to his sleep/The measure of a man/ stands o'er faults with what he leaves behind."
I wouldn't have named that as my biggest fear, but an irrelevant life is not what I'd strive for, yes. Hmm.

What Is Your Biggest Secret? Miles To Go, Heather Dale
"I hear he died alone/ surrounded by the bodies of his knights/ and heaven wept until no tears would fall/ I swore I would atone/ for failing him and shadowing his light/ with all the things I did/ and should have done."
I seem to have a dark past. *big grin*

What Do You Think Of Your Friends? If Everyone Cared, Nickleback
"I never dreamed/ that you'd be mine/ But here we are/we're here tonight/ singing amen I/ I'm alive/I'm alive/ singing amen I/ I'm alive."
Yep! You make me happy to be alive. :P

What Does Your Work/School Experience Entail? Mr. Hurricane, Beast
"Can you imagine living one more day/ with a beast right up in your face/ Can you see me dying in this house and anyhow/ saw a man invade lolly holly hurricane!/ Rock out in the harness/ let it go let it go/Stumble in the darkness/ turn off the light yo/ Frolic in the madness/ then take your pills/ finally a righteous."
I never knew banking could be so exciting. 

What is Your Romantic Side Like?  Willow Tree, Chad VanGaalen<
"When I'm dead/ is when I'll be free/ and you can take my body/ put in a boat/ light it on fire/ you can use the kerosene/ take my body/ put in a boat/ light it on fire/ and send it out to sea."
Yes, Viking funerals are VERY romantic. 

What Does Your Future Hold? Paris, Gordie Sampson
"The train pulled into paris/ like a rocket to the moon/ station's like a circus/ every face is a cartoon/ and everybody's stoned on pride and drunk on cheap chamagne/ today this joie de vivre sure don't live up to its name/And if you asked me to/ I'd steal the Mona Lisa/ tear it up in little pieces/ and lay them at your feet/for all the world to see."
I'm a thief? Or involved with a thief? It's a little unclear.

Time in town...

I'm in St. John's! Hurrah for the big city!

I got a ride in with a friend's family, which was very nice of them. It was also rather amusing, because myself and an 16 year old boy were sharing the back seat. He stumbled out of the house at seven in the morning, clutching a pillow, and saw me. *stares* So the pillow went in between us two, and we both leaned on opposite windows and slept. *thumb up*

I'm staying with Ms. B for the weekend, so once we got into town I was dropped off at her house, and got a tour... It's a nice apartment. :D She has a balcony and everything. 

OH, and we ate out in the college food court, which is very college-y. You know, people behind the count who don't really care, straws on the floor, everything tastes like fridge, and people my age. Oh, and half the people are guys, which is just strange and unsettling. 

(And by the way, interspersed between all this is watching of Firefly; we're going through the series. Some moments are totally matchy, and some ver ver awful- put a quilt over your head AND stick your fingers in your ears. )

Mmmmm, then PT and PT's GF came by, and we went out to Tims! Coffee and tea all round, and various munchables. PT's GF is very cute. And sweet. And tiny. And giggly. And despite that description, I do actually like her. :P She and PT are really cute together. They do hold hands a lot, though. And seeing your little brother kiss anyone, even on the cheek, is traumatizing any time when the little brother is over the age of four.

Then, at 9:00, we all went out downtown- to a church coffee house. There was free music and coffee! MARVELOUS! My Classical Pianist brother, bless his shiny heart, thought the music was too loud. Just because he couldn't hear himself talk. Sheesh. I thought it was pretty good though. The first act was really good, just a man and a guitar. I recognized a couple of Johnny cash songs, and quite a few I would liked to have been able to identify but wasn't. Then there was a band which showed a lot of promise for the first minute of intro to their first song, and then repeated the intro with variations for forty minutes. They were all first year engineering students, however, so I suppose I'll forgive them. After the first years came a more established band, which is well known in the "christian scene." At least, the players are well known, I"m not sure about the band unit its self. Despite having The St. John's Sound and a lead singer who couldn't find the pocket in a pair of cargo pants, they were pretty good. If you're playing John Mayer, a decent guitar player makes up for much. Side note; I approve of well- played guitars in general. 

Thoughts on travel

A test. 

Think over some of your most memorable (negative) travel moments.

• I once spend a four hour plane ride next to a highly vocal man who LITERALLY used the f-word every four words. At least.
• I slept in a pile of suitcases for three days in the back of a van. Refugee much?
• I was delayed for four days over Christmas, and the airline effectively shrugged in my direction and- no, that's it. Just shrugged. 
• I had my luggage lost for eight (8) days, forcing me to live out of my carry-on for that time.
• I only realized when I was 16 that you don't always get pulled aside and interviewed more closely when crossing borders. 
• I've started Security in full outdoor winter gear, and exited in socks, under-t-shirt, pants and beading wire. (Seriously, people, is your brain even in gear? Beading wire? Gosh.) 
• I've slept in LOTS of gas stations. 
• I know how to find the coffee in any gas station.
• I crossed the dessert double-buckled, with no A/C. Ponder that one a while, children.  
  

Now think. Do these things sound fun? If the answer is yes, you are unfit to contribute to any conversation involving travel, and may go lie down until your brain returns.

I'm clearly not thinking logically, because most of those things DO sound fun. :D *sigh*

Yep, I'm still alive. 

What has been happening? Let me see. I fail at getting the dishes washed. And I don't fail entirely at sales. I got my first referral at the bank, which means that I found/convinced someone that they would like/wouldn't mind a phone call from one of our personal bankers. :P

Oh, and my quick temper annoys me. How's THAT for an ironic statement?

Life in a small town; constant recognition, minimal inclusion.

Sometimes living here just dances along the edge of intolerable. There are so many people who know who I am and my circumstances, and yet so few who I actually can relax around. I know I'm the weird one, who likes strange things and doesn't even have the redeeming feature of liking normal ones, and I know it all the time. I mean, I just wrote 50,000 words in 15 days, and I haven't told anyone other than my sister. In other places I would get a reaction, I know. I've seen it. Maybe it would be hatred or resentment, but here I'm just weird. And I'm stuck in the bounds of the hills I can see from my window.

Is it always this hard to stay in a place? Am I only satisfied when I'm anonymous to everyone I don't choose to let in? Or would that even help? Does it ever get better? In a year, maybe, will I be okay to be the one who inspires an understanding smile on being seen? Or does being an adult mean never quite fitting in?

Around here there are the church groups, where not only do I not know the responses and jokes, I have to cram the panic back down my throat to keep from curling into a ball and rocking. And then there are the parties, where the participants get drunk and go home with other people than they arrived with. I don't want either. Given that they both involve removal of most of my psyche, neither option is enticing to me. I like sarcasm and quick remarks and irony and references to obscure bits of everything; which doesn't work when you're drunk. I like philosophical discussion and political debate and all those things that girls aren't really supposed to in good christian circles. So I settle for NOT going out and being out of place, I stay home and try to hide.

Would it have been easier if I hadn't lived in other places, I wonder? Or if I had sucked up and stayed in the mind-rotting church circles? If I had had anything closer to a normal life, if I had tried to be social and ignored the scrape of eyes on my back, would I be able to have people look at me without wanting to cringe?

WHY DON"T OTHER PEOPLE FIND THIS SO HARD?

Does it ever get better?

"Maybe you've got a bright one this time!"

I am, really tired. Really.

*slump over and smacks forehead off of floor.*

But what have I done since I last blogged? Hm. The whole St. john's extravaganza was last weekend, I see if I check my records, and that means it has been a little under a week since I was writing here. Remembrance Day took place in that time, so I went out and got fair sogged. :D I have not seen so many umbrellas in one place outside of pictures. Despite the rain, it seemed like there was a fairly good turnout to the Ceremony.

And this morning I went on a bottle blitz with the Sparks, Brownies, Guides, Pathfinders, and Rangers. And hour and a half of tramping the streets collecting, and then an hour and a half of throwing bags half my height into a storage container. Given that it is not warm out, some of those bags got pitched a little more enthusiastically than they maybe needed too. :P I'm amused at how surprised people always get when I do things with energy. I mean, the paper needs to be stamped anyhow, so I might as well make sure it gives a GOOD imprint. And those bags? Not going to get themselves into the back of the container. :P

Anyhow, I"m off to make Brownies. The edible ones, with chocolate. :P

Love Story

Now that NaNoWriMo has officially started, I don't think I will be posting here very much for the next month. However, given my remarkable talents for procrastinating, I could be posting daily.

I just managed to say absolutely nothing. Good JOB, me!

Anyhow, this is what I wanted to talk about. Yesterday I was resting my brain by looking up videos on Youtube, *coughcough* and I found two songs that have come out recently, both entitled "Love Story." I was rather struck by the difference between the definition of love depicted in the two videos. Not to mention the "romantic clothing," and the "happy ending."

Anyhow, here are the links. Taylor Swift vs. Katherine McPhee.