"It's a happy day/ and things are gonna get better..."

The memorial was today, and it was really good. I'm not that excited about social occasions in general, but this was not nearly as painful as I was expecting. The testimonies were good, the people who came honestly cared and were respectful, and the eulogy Daddy gave was brilliant. I had tears dripping off my chin at one point, which was unexpected. 

Then after the service we came back to the house, along with people who came from out of town, and had coffee and munchies. Oh, and I killed a car battery. It was exciting. Apparently, one is supposed to check and see if the lights are still on before one goes inside the building. But I got to see booster cables used, which was interesting and sparky. Of course, given that I was the one driving, no one was surprised. The way everyone seems to expect me to careen into buildings while driving is both useful, and a little disappointing. Disappointing, cause I don't INTEND to go skating all over the road. Useful, cause, well, when it happens, er, people don't get TOO mad at me.

I haven't been driving in a little while, er, all right, quite some time, er, all right, over a year, and I'm a little out of practice. So somethings, like judging distance, for example, aren't quite second nature right now. This probably isn't really helped by the fact that I DO NOT get worked up when I'm driving. It's like I take a shot of adrenaline while getting into the car, making my heart rate go up- and then it stays exactly the same for however many hours or minutes I'm behind the wheel. Perfect weather and no one on the road, I'm upright and unmoved. Slush over ice and cars everywhere you look, and I'm upright and unmoved. Whereas I really should be reacting more to massive parking lots, getting lost in cities, and other joyful multi-coloured traumas of the past few weeks. Seriously, for the first time I went driving in the city, chooseing to do so over the lunch hour, when I didn't know where I was going, was not an experience without its fair share of very calm panic. I had to stay within grenade distance of the rest of the family convoy, which is NOT EASY IN A CROWDED CITY STREET. *cough*

That's about all my news. Valeo!

This is where I gloat, right?

It has come to my attention that I'm supposed to, according to tradition, write a blog post gloating over all my loot. So here goes!

I got; 

• A lovely box of toffifees that are mostly gone,
  
• Three jolly striped shirts,
  
• A whole host of fuzzy socks,
  
• A Montreal Canadiens hat and Toronto Maple Leaves mittens, (from the same person, none the less),
  
• Two pairs of PJs, pink and red, respectively, and some "pure seduction" body spray,
  
• A paperback copy of Twilight,
  
• A desk lamp,
  
• Some pens and a shiny magnetic Journal,
  
• A bath set or four,
  
• A bunch of gift cards, for chapters, american eagle, and itunes. 
  
• From PT;
  
• Genocide, Its political use in the 20th century
  
• Lyisitrata, by Aristophanes
  
• The Transitive Vampire, a handbook of grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed
  
• Othello
  
• Oedipus Rex, by Sophocles
  
• and a 2G thumbdrive.

It should become apparent that a lot of the gifts were given me by people who didn't know me. :D But still, I got a lot of nice things, whether the person who was buying them had a clue who I was or not. 

"What are you doing here all by your eyelashes?"

Christmas is over, and I'm STILL tired. That may be attributable to the fact that I didn't have coffee yet today, though. Hmmmmm.... 

Anyhow, Christmas. We had what was quite possible the most lavish and epic Christmas I have ever been witness too. We started at 8:00 am, with the unwrapping. And we went until 11:00 am, then took a half hour break for breakfast. The unwrapping commenced again, and continued till 1:30 pm, when we broke for lunch. After a long lunch, and some staring at the wall, we started again at 3:30 pm. We finished the unwrapping at 5:00 pm. Now, for some families that may be normal, but not this one. It took at LEAST twice as long as normal. People have been so incredibly generous, it just boggles the mind. 

So unwrapping took most of the day. Then PT, the Walrus, Fraulein and I watched Walrus's new movie Transformers in the evening. It was a fun film, so long as I completely suspended all disbelief relating to the Military, and Law Enforcement, and the Intelligence Community, and how Relationships work. Oh, and massive transforming intelligent robots/vehicles. I mean, the SECRETARY OF DEFENSE was running things? And buddy broke an audio signal just by putting a thumb drive containing it in his computer? Blink, heartbeat heartbeat, and we're seeing all these massive secrets-Right, suspension of disbelief. SUSPEND... *big grin* The Walrus really liked it though, and I thought it was fun, so twas all good. Oh and Moonunit called for 20 minutes, which was terribly jolly. It put me in a good mood. :D

And now today I've spent most of the day sleeping, so I should really work on looking alive and going for a walk or something.

"Just Get Me Through December"

My little brother died yesterday. He was four years old, and too much joy to be contained. 

And I just don't know anything. The world is different, that's for sure. Maybe I've grow up a little more, maybe I'm still in shock and denial, but I certainly don't look at life in the same way. Life- both the living of it and the fact of morality, has taken on a different aspect. 

Because my little brother is no longer here, and everything reminds me of him in some way. He loves blue, and kinder eggs, and cars, and the whole wild world. He gives his full attention to whatever he is doing, oh my little brother. 

No, I'm not using the present tense by accident. I believe- no, I don't believe, I know, that he's in a better place. He has no more pain, no more uncertainty, no more tears. He's free. And for him, we'll see him tomorrow. We just have a longer tomorrow to get through than he does. 

His death was peaceful, and even the days and hours before were free of stress for him. I have a mental snapshot from the day before, which encapsulates the hospital time for me. Gid was sleeping, and had been all day, and I was just watching him from across the room. Snow was falling. There was only one small light on in the room, so it was getting darker as night fell. A fan caused the curtains to brush against each other, and the IV pump made small popping noises every couple of seconds. Daddy was playing acoustic guitar, and Mommy and Fraulein and I listened to him and to Gid breathing. It was an incredible span of time. There was so much sorrow and so much joy, somehow held side by side. 

The strange thing is that I really still can't take it in. My mind keeps trying to segment my memory, saying that that wasn't Gid, my little brother is still somewhere around here, and I'm going to poke my head around a corner and see him sleeping. It's so strange. I'll probably be trying to fit my head around it for quite some time. Years, most likely. 

Anyhow, that's my big news. And if you thought my sense of humour was dark and twisted before, you might want to avoid me from now on. 

Note: I've been trying to write this for a little while. Please ignore the continuity error. 

Gideon is sleeping peacefully, so far as I know.

I don't have any words for today. It wasn't painful, particularly. It's moved beyond mere pain, into something far more complicated and world-altering. Maybe in a couple of days, or months, or years, I'll be able to capture it. But today I have no words.

"And you won't read that book again because the ending's just too hard to take."

I got asked if I was Fraulein's twin again today. I tell you, hair dye is looking REALLY good right about now. 

That was about it. Oh, I wrote some silliness on my novel. 

PT visited the hospital, in company with his GF.

I think December is a really messed up month anyhow. And this year only throws the enforced gaiety into more garish contrast. 

I'm tired really early now, which is odd. This is my excuse for this really unenlightening blog post. 

"Let's put a pin in this conversation. Poke! There, and we are not coming back to it until it's resolved."

Empire Theaters somehow heard about our situation, (who knows really what they heard- let's not ask for the sob story) and they donated tickets for us all to go see Bolt! Tickets for all the children, even the twenty year old ones. :D The movie was very fun, and thankfully the humour was such that I didn't have to feel protectively embarrassed for the small ones at all. So either I'm really hardened to sketchiness, I wasn't very observant, or it was actually a clean kids' movie!

Let me see; the animation was shiny, the music was fun, when I noticed it, and the story, though generic let's-introduce-the-children-to-betrayal-and-deception-at-age-four, was enjoyable. And the characters were lovely. As is my tradition, I wasn't that crazy about the main heartwarming characters, but there were oodles of other marvelous people. *rubs hands together* Rhino the hamster, you know you are made of awesome. :D But not as much awesome as Mittens the cat. Offering pigeons your protection... *chortles*

Oh, and then Fraulein and I dared the mall, and I bought a root beer float and some jeans. At different stores. (Yes, I know that is a shock to you.) And I swear, I give off some kind of meek'n'harmless'n'invisible vibe, because I stood there for five minutes in front of AW and watched them fill straws, quietly seething, and they just filled the straws, and looked at me, and filled the straws, and looked at me, and put away the straws, and chatted about breaks, and totally neglected to ask me if I wanted anything. Only pure a steely resolve to not go back to my seat empty handed retained that $3.79 for the coffers of AW.

And then we walked back to the Janeway and watched Gid breathe for a couple of hours. As I'm writing this, Fraulein and Mommy have ventured out to purchase some Pizza, Daddy's reading, Gid's breathing, and I'm, uh, writing. Good times being coherent, eh?

Fraulein and I watched another movie last night, which was the new Pride and Prejudice. The one with Keira Knightly, that is only 2.5 hours long, I mean. We decided that it is a good movie, though not quite as good as the six hour BBC version, and rather interestingly americanized. I mean, all the people walking around in disheveled undergarments, bubbling over with emotional protestations, (while sober)? Not terribly British, donchaknow. And it even looks like it's set in colonial America for much of the movie. Intentional? Really? You think? But as I said, we both think it was a good movie. :D

"Yes, I am going blog EXTENSIVELY about your vest."

No, that was a lie. I shall just mention that Fraulein has a new vest, a denim vest, from winners, that was on sale, and that looks rather spectacularly stylish. She is wearing it today.

Yesterday, she was wearing jeans that fitted marvelously, a stylish blue t-shirt that I am unable to describe other than it was royal blue and stylish, white rosebud earrings, pretty nike sneaks, and a pearl necklace. I, on the other hand, was wearing; a black "Newfoundland Liberation Army" t-shirt that didn't fit quite as well as Fraulein's, a man's black pinstriped fedora, cargo pants that definitely didn't belong to me to the point that I had to borrow my 13 year old brother's studded leather belt to keep them on, and my brown Helly Hanson runners (which happen to be men's shoes, by the way.) There is a reason we don't borrow clothing from each other's closets, you see. We have rather different tastes. Despite this, people keep mistaking us for each other. I am starting to be tempted to dye my hair red, just to escape the comments.

Anyhow, Fraulein and I were out by the nurses' station waiting to go back to the hotel yesterday, and looked each other up and down.
Fraulein: *hopeful* "Maybe now people won't say we look alike!"
Nurse: *approaching us* "Are you girls twins, or just sisters?"

Then today, I dug deeply into my suitcase that mainly contains books and came up with a denim dress (home schooler uniform!) and cream pashmina. So when a kind elderly man came by to give us some bread and cookies, he assumed that I was my father's wife.

What will people take me for tomorrow? Stay tuned to see.

"Turn your down upside-"

Nine people in a three bedroom apartment explores new boundaries of- something. Particularly since I'm not allowed to get mad. It doesn't work, when everyone is living on a knife edge anyhow. Heh. So I'm odder than usual, if you're unfortunate enough to come into contact with me. And given that we're trying to save money on food, I may be losing weight to boot.

It's very strange.

I really don't have words other than that.

I don't know all these people at the Hospital anyhow; I was always the one who stayed home, and then I went away to College, and then they weren't going in and out every often. So there are so many good friends, people my parents have gone through terrible darkness with, and I don't have a clue who they are.

Everything has changed, again, except for all the things which are hardest to deal with. I know I'm not making any sense, sorry. Let's start this over again, shall we?

I took the youngsters over to the university food court-ish, thing; which was fun. Most of the students are already finished with finals, so we escaped the regular, *cough* crowd. However, tomorrow we're going on an expedenure in the MUN-nles, which shows promising signs towards being traumatic. Loosing small children in the bowels of a major university! Fun times! Oh, and I also dared the laundromat, which was rather amusing. It's just a closet at the bottom of the stairs in the apartments building we're staying in. Anyhow, the lights are on a motion sensor, which means that they're automatically on when you walk in the door. However, if you're sitting on the dryer reading, they go off every four minutes or so. Which means that you have to wave your hands about, or stand up and sit down, or something. At the end of a dryer cycle I wasn't even looking up, I just blinked and threw my arms around a bit whenever the lights died. :D

That's about it, I suppose. I should let Fraulein use the internet.

Oh, I just remembered something.It seems that for at least the last four months, my brother and his GF have watched only one movie, over and over. And the the movie that won that position? Borat.

His strength is made perfect in weakness.

It has swiftly, though not unexpectedly, come up that the family is going into St. John's. I'm not sure how long we'll be there, or how much internet access I'll have. For those who I've not been able to tell "personally" over the internet, I'll miss you, and have a great Christmas.

Oh, and I fail at mailing, and spent too much time looking at gifts instead of sending them, so your presents will be VERY late. I'm sorry.

*waves and disappears*

First Lines Survey

Stolen from Bahnree : post the first line of the first entry of every month of the last year.

January: My little brothers drinking tea in the kitchen.
February: I'm in a happy place today.
March: Wow, look how the time flies.
April: Well, it's finally arrived
May: I keep realizing more pieces of how Augustine has affected the way I think.
June: Today was a one of those days which just feels vaguely successful.
July: Several things of note have happened since I last posted.
August: After Seaworld we were doing a lot of traveling, and then I was back to work, so I wasn't writing daily journals.
September: So.
October: We had the police in at work today.
November: Now that NaNoWriMo has officially started, I don't think I will be posting here very much for the next month
December: So, I though I'd do this game with my Nano soundtrack, since it has, I think 200 songs in it?

September is genius. :P

"I feel, like I'm slowly slowly slowly slipping under."

It's exam week! Only a few more days of torment, and then I can turn off my brain! 

Oh, wait.

That's not me, is it?

It's been rather interesting to see exam week again. Because, I'm not in it this time. For one thing, there is very little in MY schedule that is showing the advent of the christmas season. My christmas vacation consists of three days off; Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and New Year's Day. And I don't have all the racheting stress of exams to overcome and be relived of. :D That doesn't stop me from acting insane, but that's just me, you know. And for another thing, most of my friends have been weeping and gnashing their teeth over papers and exams. Oh, and not sleeping. Seriously, even if you don't have to wake up till noon, staying up till seven is just not on the list of brilliant plans. *sighs* Oh well, I'm not in that world now, so I suppose I can't really comment. Hmm....

Oh, but I got a money order for college sent off this morning! So now I've killed 27% of the debt, leaving only eight grand to chip away. :D It gradually shrinks...

Last year about this time, I was looking forward to going home, (soon to have my hopes cruelly dashed by Air Canada,) and thanking God for providing me with food for the past four months. Last year really was a practice session in how to trust that God would provide for my needs. When I needed friends, he sat them in my lap. (Sometimes literally. :) When I needed books, he provided sales! And when I needed food, he provided money, food, leftovers, generous housemates, and a strong stomach; all at the appropriate times. I went the whole year, didn't ask for food or money from a person, and managed to gain weight. :D However, I have issues with remembering the nice lessons God lays out for me, it seems, because I have been spending the last month or more freaking out about travel plans. Where am I going to go? How much will it cost? Am I ever going to see my friends again in my life? Will I ever escape my job? *winds self into a small knot over non-issues and whimpers* Then God quietly poked me in the head in the middle of the night and told me to CALM DOWN. So I did. Calm for me, at any rate. :D Now the plan is to see what travel plans God provides me with. He provided Augustine, after all. I'm sure he has some other crazy offers waiting to drop. *grins* One things for sure, the future isn't going to be boring- it never is. Now if I can only manage to remember that this time...

"Hello Hello, I'm at a place called Vertigo."

The Christmas Season has begun! Actually, now that I think on it, there have been a startling amount of social events I've attended since I last blogged. I should detail them.

Fraulein and I survived the Brownie Party tonight with a minimum of carnage or glue fights, and hopefully not too many embarrassing pictures that will turn up on facebook. *cough* 

Last Tuesday was the Happy Tree opening, which is a classic small town event. The small children singing carols they don't know, the PA system which mysteriously, (no one knows how) goes on the fritz, the Cadet band with instruments done up in tinsel, the program which- despite it being exactly the same as last year- no one knows. For those who aren't in this town, the Happy Tree is a charitable, uh, thing, where people donate gifts all December, and then they are distributed on Christmas eve to "disadvantaged families." (Which one year included us, for some reason. *shakes head in wonderment*)

Then on Thursday was the Christmas Tree lighting, which was basically the same as the Happy Tree, only outside. It was also QUITE cold outside, which makes one look at crowds in a different way. Normally in crowds I'm freakishly aware of everyone within arm's reach of me, and they'd better stay that distance away. This time, the arm's length thing is dispensed with entirely. I realized this after it came to my attention that I was less than an inch away from an unknown teenage boy in a leather jacket and knitted beanie. Never seen him before then, but I could now describe the back of his neck. :P Thankfully right after I noticed this, Sam upset his stroller with himself in it, and I had an excuse to barge out of the crowd and get Sam some hot chocolate. 

Oh, and on Saturday was the Santa Claus Parade! My, this town is a happening place. I am now the proud possessor of a coupon for a small order of free fries, and Gid got to ride in the fire truck. :D

I need to get back in the blogging habit, my brain is refusing to turn over. Ah well, I'll try again tomorrow. 

"That was a very interesting sentence until you finished it."

I made it back unscathed! Pretty much. I did live through five hours in the Avalon Mall though, so who knows what lasting mental damage that may have inflicted. Then on Sunday I got to go to Ms. B's and PT's and PT's GF's Church, which was fun. They said their third largest budgetary expense, after the building and the pastor, was coffee. My Kind Of People! The music was very Pentecostal, but they seemed since, which I can respect. And there was a guest speaker, so I'm not quite sure what the teaching actually is like. But there also was a potluck afterwards, which was scrummy. Hurrah for free food! Oh, and PT and his GF were walking downtown to see the christmas parade, so I had to take my things out of the car and bring them back to the church, where I was being picked up. However, the church is downtown, so they lock the doors after normal service hours. Which led to me being locked out of a church, and hammering lightly on the doors. :D I mainly sat on my suitcase and waited for someone to come out, but there definitely was a little bit of beating on the door going on. Then they let me in and I had chocolate cake, so it was all good.

On, on the first night I was wearing a pashmina, for grace and the fact that I can hid under it of anyone looks at me. Then when I went up to get coffee a lady looked at me and said; "What you're wearing looks nice! It looks like you're wearing a tablecloth, but on you it looks good!" :D

And a quote from PT's GF. "You know today is the first day of Advent? That means today is going to be a day for Extraordinary things."

Last night Fraulein and I watched Prince Caspian! Since we are avid Narnian Fan girls, we've been waiting impatiently for it to come out on DVD. We don't have a theatre in town, remember? And it was fun. We decided that Peter is generally an idiot, and Susan doubly so. Seriously woman, what is with the leather corset with buckles and such? ISH. And the whole kissing Caspian in front of the crowd, and "you might want to call me sometime-" *facepalm* However, Edmund and Lucy were marvelous, and we love the mice. :D "You are a mouse." I'm still a little if-ish about Miraz and the Telmarines. The whole story was so very far from the book that you have to divide your brain into two stories for the book and the movie. And I'm not sure if the Telmarines are scary or simply a mindless horde of spanish men. I'll have to watch it again with a critical eye. :D

In other news, I'm technically done with Nano now. So I suppose I have to try and break the habit of spending every possible moment on my laptop. *sigh* I know you're weeping for my sad plight. :P But first I just have to read some of the shiny NanoNovels my genius internet friends wrote.

This is your brain, on NANO.

So, I though I'd do this game with my Nano soundtrack, since it has, I think 200 songs in it? Or sommat? *looks* Oh, only 157. Shame. I must go shopping. ANYHOW, I've been wanting to do this for some time, but it takes time, and so I wreaked havoc instead. *chuckles*

---

THE GAME

Set your music player on shuffle. For each new “scene” note down the song that comes next. So no cheating. Unless you feel it’s necessary to skip a tune (say, the same song comes up twice, etc.)

Opening Credits: Forever and Alway, Taylor Swift
Uh, this doesn't bode well. 
"It rains in your bedroom/ everything is wrong/ it rains when you're here/it rains when you're gone.."
But it IS a good song. *cheery*

Waking Up: Somewhere I Belong, Linkin Park
"I had nothing to say/ I got lost in the nothingness inside of me..."
Huh. 

Average Day: Pilgrim, Sarah Slean
"little blood and vomit on the vomit on the car seat/ and a tooth is sitting in my lap/brother if you're hungry but not wounded/it's time to stop and check the map."
This explains a lot, actually. :D

First Date: Alas My Love, dc Talk
"Alas my love we say goodbye/ Wipe the poison from my brow/Alas my love this guilty night/ Gives me up like a foster child/And in this moment I take my vow with these angels sleeping at my feet/ And in this moment you do not know how..."
This is my FIRST DATE? Good grief. 

Falling In Love: Shadowland, Sarah Slean
"There is no enemy/ There is nothing lacking/ You are perfect/ Swinging all ways and all directions/ You are Too Much and Too Little's child."
I could see how this works. *happy*

Fight scene: All She Wants To Do Is Dance, Eagles
"Molotov Cocktails/ the local drink/ And she wants to do is dance, dance/ Mix them up right in the kitchen sink/ And all she wants to do is dance."
YES. 

Breaking Up: Between You and Me, dc talk< "Sorrow is a lonely feeling/ unsettled is a painful place/ I've lived with both for far too long now/ Since we parted ways/ I've been wrestling with my conscience/ and I find myself to blame..." 
Wow. Uh, yeah. WOW. That's not applicable now, is it!?

Getting Back Together: Silhouette, White Heart
"I hear the rustle of the fallen leaves/ racing through the autumn hues/ and my heart is racing faster than the wind/ feel the beauty of it all come through..."
Dang it, that works really well too. At least we know what time of year it's gonna happen. :P

Secret Love: Ways & Means, Snow Patrol
Wow. He even has the stalker voice going on.
"Maybe I can do it if I put my back into it/I can leave ya if I wanted but there's no where else I can go/Maybe I won't suffer it I find a way to love er/ but there's no way out that I can see"

Life’s Okay: Rock On, KJ-52
"Are ya'll ready for this/rock on/Are we finished with this/ Rock On/You'll never mess with this/Rock On/ So come and get with this/ Rock On"
Oh YEAH. Nice......

Mental Breakdown: Mega-Mix, Newsboys
Well, I suppose that is rather fragmented. And it's all perky!  Perk! (mod. quote) Next please.

Driving: Love Story, Taylor Swift
Good driving song, yes. :D

Learning A Lesson: Everywhere, Michelle Branch
"Turn it inside it out so I can see/ the part of you that's drifting over me/when I wake you're, you're never there/ and when I sleep, you're everywhere."
Sounds like a freaky lesson.

Deep Thought: Step up to the Microphone
"Woo Hoo/I say hello/ To anyone who's listening/ Put on a show/ If that's what makes your ears prick."
I'm, concerned. 

Flashback: Jumper, capsule
The lyrics are kinda indecipherable, but it's Japanese techno. Nuff said. 

Partying: Shine, Newsboys
"The proof is when you ask yourself "what's my motivation?""
I go to good parties! *cheery*

Happy Dance: Jesus Is Alright, dc talk.
*big grin* Certainly a happy dance. 

Regretting: Time Is, dc talk.
"Time is, ticking away/ time is, ticking..."
This works. No further comments. ;)

Long Night Alone: Where I Stood, Missy Higgins
"I don't know, what I've done/ Or if I like, what I've begun/ But something told me to run/ and honey you know me/ It's all, what I've done."
Indeed. Sounds like it's good that I'm alone. 

Death Scene: Get Me Through December. Natalie MacMaster feat. Alison Krauss
"How pale is the sky/ that brings forth the rain/ as the changing of seasons/ prepares me again/ for the long bitter nights and the wild winter's day/ my heart is grown cold/ my love stole away/ my heart is grown cold/ my love stole away/ I've been to the mountain, left my tracks in the snow/ where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go/ I've taken the pain/ no girl should endure/ but faith can move mountains/ of that I am sure/ faith can move mountains/ of that I am sure/ just get me through December/ I promise I'll remember/ get me through December/ so I can start again."
Okay, whose death are we talking about? Get out of my head, fates. Huh. That is lovely, though. I love that song. 

How would you describe yourself? Crash and Burn, Savage Garden.
That's, uh, startlingly applicable. 

What do you like in a guy/girl? Desert Rose, White Heart
"Lost in a wind swept land/ in the world of shifting sand/ a fragile flower, stands apart/ There in that barren ground/ feel like the only one/ trying to serve Him with all your heart/ and you wonder, you wonder/ can you last much longer/ this cloud, you are under/ will it cover you?"
Oh, kay. I'd rather not have a fragile flower for a guy, but still...

What is your life’s purpose? Epitaph, Hey Rosetta!<
Hehehehe. 
"Bad luck's in town for the weekend, but it's keeping away from us..."
And more. Look up the lyrics, if you want. :D Hehehe.

What is your Motto? To America We Go, Ashley MacIssac and Mary Jane Lamond.
My motto is a Gaelic song accompanied by a flaming fiddler? I'm scared now. 

What Do Your Friends Think Of You? Jesus Freak (Reprise), dc talk.
ROFL. Mock opera FTW!

What Do Your Parents Think Of You? Reality, Newsboys.
"Mom and Dad I am fine how are you/ I have joined a small circus/ that much is true/ I'm a little malnurished but try to relax/ can you find a better photo for the milk carton back/ send money."
Oh, my. Nice. :D

What Do You Think Of Your Best Friends? Flowers of Strabane/Brother's Jig, Buddy Wasisname And The Other Fellers.<
Give er, ol man!

What Do You Think Of The Person You Like? We Are, Ana Johnsson
"Keep watching from your picket fence/ you keep talking but it makes no sense/ You say we're not responsible, but we are/ we are/ You wash your hands/ you come up clean/ but fail to recognize the enemies within/ You say we're not responsible but we are/ we are."
Sounds like a touchy relationship. o.O

What Do You Want To Be Like When You Grow Up? Hide and Seek, Imogen Heap
Spin me round/ again/ and rub my eyes/ this can't/ be happening/ when busy streets/ amess with people/ would stop to hold/ their heads/ heavy/ Hide and seek/ trains and sowing machines/ all those serious/ they were here first.." 
I'm insane?

What do You Think When You See The Person You Like? Gone, Tobymac
"I told the girl that you should treat her like a lady man/ she told me all the things you did and it was shady man/ she said that what you say and what you do are different things/while you were telling me that you were checking out them blingy rings."
Uh, okay. I am concerned about my taste in, uh, people, now.

What Song Will They Play At Your Wedding? Mother We Can't Get Enough, New Radicals.
"There's something about you/ tears me inside out whenever you're around/ there's something about you/ speedin' through my veins and then we hit the ground/ there's something about this rush/ take it away/ y'made me feel so good/ got a feelin'/ we got a feelin'/ we get a feelin/ like we could die/ Just can't get enough!"
Uh, right. Okay. *shy*

What Song Will They Play At Your Funeral? Jenny Don't Be Hasty, Paolo Nutini
Uh, I have no comment. Except that whoever is picking the songs has a very strange sense of humour.

What Is Your Hobby/Interest? Innocence, Avril Lavinge
"This innocence/ is brilliant/ I hope that it will stay/ this moment/ is perfect/please don't go away/ I need you now/and I'll hold on to it/don't you let it/ pass you by."
I'm, not sure what that's saying. MOVING ALONG, PEOPLE.

What Is Your Biggest Fear? Measure of a Man, Heather Dale
"Steel on steel/ break the blade that called him his rest/ and cast it to the deep/ light the pile/ name the one whose shield is on his chest/ and leave him to his sleep/The measure of a man/ stands o'er faults with what he leaves behind."
I wouldn't have named that as my biggest fear, but an irrelevant life is not what I'd strive for, yes. Hmm.

What Is Your Biggest Secret? Miles To Go, Heather Dale
"I hear he died alone/ surrounded by the bodies of his knights/ and heaven wept until no tears would fall/ I swore I would atone/ for failing him and shadowing his light/ with all the things I did/ and should have done."
I seem to have a dark past. *big grin*

What Do You Think Of Your Friends? If Everyone Cared, Nickleback
"I never dreamed/ that you'd be mine/ But here we are/we're here tonight/ singing amen I/ I'm alive/I'm alive/ singing amen I/ I'm alive."
Yep! You make me happy to be alive. :P

What Does Your Work/School Experience Entail? Mr. Hurricane, Beast
"Can you imagine living one more day/ with a beast right up in your face/ Can you see me dying in this house and anyhow/ saw a man invade lolly holly hurricane!/ Rock out in the harness/ let it go let it go/Stumble in the darkness/ turn off the light yo/ Frolic in the madness/ then take your pills/ finally a righteous."
I never knew banking could be so exciting. 

What is Your Romantic Side Like?  Willow Tree, Chad VanGaalen<
"When I'm dead/ is when I'll be free/ and you can take my body/ put in a boat/ light it on fire/ you can use the kerosene/ take my body/ put in a boat/ light it on fire/ and send it out to sea."
Yes, Viking funerals are VERY romantic. 

What Does Your Future Hold? Paris, Gordie Sampson
"The train pulled into paris/ like a rocket to the moon/ station's like a circus/ every face is a cartoon/ and everybody's stoned on pride and drunk on cheap chamagne/ today this joie de vivre sure don't live up to its name/And if you asked me to/ I'd steal the Mona Lisa/ tear it up in little pieces/ and lay them at your feet/for all the world to see."
I'm a thief? Or involved with a thief? It's a little unclear.

Time in town...

I'm in St. John's! Hurrah for the big city!

I got a ride in with a friend's family, which was very nice of them. It was also rather amusing, because myself and an 16 year old boy were sharing the back seat. He stumbled out of the house at seven in the morning, clutching a pillow, and saw me. *stares* So the pillow went in between us two, and we both leaned on opposite windows and slept. *thumb up*

I'm staying with Ms. B for the weekend, so once we got into town I was dropped off at her house, and got a tour... It's a nice apartment. :D She has a balcony and everything. 

OH, and we ate out in the college food court, which is very college-y. You know, people behind the count who don't really care, straws on the floor, everything tastes like fridge, and people my age. Oh, and half the people are guys, which is just strange and unsettling. 

(And by the way, interspersed between all this is watching of Firefly; we're going through the series. Some moments are totally matchy, and some ver ver awful- put a quilt over your head AND stick your fingers in your ears. )

Mmmmm, then PT and PT's GF came by, and we went out to Tims! Coffee and tea all round, and various munchables. PT's GF is very cute. And sweet. And tiny. And giggly. And despite that description, I do actually like her. :P She and PT are really cute together. They do hold hands a lot, though. And seeing your little brother kiss anyone, even on the cheek, is traumatizing any time when the little brother is over the age of four.

Then, at 9:00, we all went out downtown- to a church coffee house. There was free music and coffee! MARVELOUS! My Classical Pianist brother, bless his shiny heart, thought the music was too loud. Just because he couldn't hear himself talk. Sheesh. I thought it was pretty good though. The first act was really good, just a man and a guitar. I recognized a couple of Johnny cash songs, and quite a few I would liked to have been able to identify but wasn't. Then there was a band which showed a lot of promise for the first minute of intro to their first song, and then repeated the intro with variations for forty minutes. They were all first year engineering students, however, so I suppose I'll forgive them. After the first years came a more established band, which is well known in the "christian scene." At least, the players are well known, I"m not sure about the band unit its self. Despite having The St. John's Sound and a lead singer who couldn't find the pocket in a pair of cargo pants, they were pretty good. If you're playing John Mayer, a decent guitar player makes up for much. Side note; I approve of well- played guitars in general. 

Thoughts on travel

A test. 

Think over some of your most memorable (negative) travel moments.

• I once spend a four hour plane ride next to a highly vocal man who LITERALLY used the f-word every four words. At least.
• I slept in a pile of suitcases for three days in the back of a van. Refugee much?
• I was delayed for four days over Christmas, and the airline effectively shrugged in my direction and- no, that's it. Just shrugged. 
• I had my luggage lost for eight (8) days, forcing me to live out of my carry-on for that time.
• I only realized when I was 16 that you don't always get pulled aside and interviewed more closely when crossing borders. 
• I've started Security in full outdoor winter gear, and exited in socks, under-t-shirt, pants and beading wire. (Seriously, people, is your brain even in gear? Beading wire? Gosh.) 
• I've slept in LOTS of gas stations. 
• I know how to find the coffee in any gas station.
• I crossed the dessert double-buckled, with no A/C. Ponder that one a while, children.  
  

Now think. Do these things sound fun? If the answer is yes, you are unfit to contribute to any conversation involving travel, and may go lie down until your brain returns.

I'm clearly not thinking logically, because most of those things DO sound fun. :D *sigh*

Yep, I'm still alive. 

What has been happening? Let me see. I fail at getting the dishes washed. And I don't fail entirely at sales. I got my first referral at the bank, which means that I found/convinced someone that they would like/wouldn't mind a phone call from one of our personal bankers. :P

Oh, and my quick temper annoys me. How's THAT for an ironic statement?

Life in a small town; constant recognition, minimal inclusion.

Sometimes living here just dances along the edge of intolerable. There are so many people who know who I am and my circumstances, and yet so few who I actually can relax around. I know I'm the weird one, who likes strange things and doesn't even have the redeeming feature of liking normal ones, and I know it all the time. I mean, I just wrote 50,000 words in 15 days, and I haven't told anyone other than my sister. In other places I would get a reaction, I know. I've seen it. Maybe it would be hatred or resentment, but here I'm just weird. And I'm stuck in the bounds of the hills I can see from my window.

Is it always this hard to stay in a place? Am I only satisfied when I'm anonymous to everyone I don't choose to let in? Or would that even help? Does it ever get better? In a year, maybe, will I be okay to be the one who inspires an understanding smile on being seen? Or does being an adult mean never quite fitting in?

Around here there are the church groups, where not only do I not know the responses and jokes, I have to cram the panic back down my throat to keep from curling into a ball and rocking. And then there are the parties, where the participants get drunk and go home with other people than they arrived with. I don't want either. Given that they both involve removal of most of my psyche, neither option is enticing to me. I like sarcasm and quick remarks and irony and references to obscure bits of everything; which doesn't work when you're drunk. I like philosophical discussion and political debate and all those things that girls aren't really supposed to in good christian circles. So I settle for NOT going out and being out of place, I stay home and try to hide.

Would it have been easier if I hadn't lived in other places, I wonder? Or if I had sucked up and stayed in the mind-rotting church circles? If I had had anything closer to a normal life, if I had tried to be social and ignored the scrape of eyes on my back, would I be able to have people look at me without wanting to cringe?

WHY DON"T OTHER PEOPLE FIND THIS SO HARD?

Does it ever get better?

"Maybe you've got a bright one this time!"

I am, really tired. Really.

*slump over and smacks forehead off of floor.*

But what have I done since I last blogged? Hm. The whole St. john's extravaganza was last weekend, I see if I check my records, and that means it has been a little under a week since I was writing here. Remembrance Day took place in that time, so I went out and got fair sogged. :D I have not seen so many umbrellas in one place outside of pictures. Despite the rain, it seemed like there was a fairly good turnout to the Ceremony.

And this morning I went on a bottle blitz with the Sparks, Brownies, Guides, Pathfinders, and Rangers. And hour and a half of tramping the streets collecting, and then an hour and a half of throwing bags half my height into a storage container. Given that it is not warm out, some of those bags got pitched a little more enthusiastically than they maybe needed too. :P I'm amused at how surprised people always get when I do things with energy. I mean, the paper needs to be stamped anyhow, so I might as well make sure it gives a GOOD imprint. And those bags? Not going to get themselves into the back of the container. :P

Anyhow, I"m off to make Brownies. The edible ones, with chocolate. :P

Love Story

Now that NaNoWriMo has officially started, I don't think I will be posting here very much for the next month. However, given my remarkable talents for procrastinating, I could be posting daily.

I just managed to say absolutely nothing. Good JOB, me!

Anyhow, this is what I wanted to talk about. Yesterday I was resting my brain by looking up videos on Youtube, *coughcough* and I found two songs that have come out recently, both entitled "Love Story." I was rather struck by the difference between the definition of love depicted in the two videos. Not to mention the "romantic clothing," and the "happy ending."

Anyhow, here are the links. Taylor Swift vs. Katherine McPhee.

"Do you guys know about chocolate? You don't? Oh man, this is gonna be huge!"

Today in the bank a little old lady asked me if my father was home from the war yet. It's a little hard to respond to questions like that. Especially since the look in her eyes hinted strongly that she would rant against Herr Hitler and his band of wicked men on only slight prompting. So I just smiled and said he wasn't in the military any more. And she smiled and nodded without comprehension and hobbled away. 

Since the Old Age Pensions came out yesterday we've been very busy at the bank. I got to buy some American Cash, and open a safe deposit box, and cash many many cheques. Yesterday I cleared over one hundred thousand dollars worth ($100,000.00) of cheques. But no, there's no money in this economy at all. 

And today I had a monumentous realization! I figured out why I've been so tired lately! I haven't been eating. Somehow you'd think I'd have figured out by now how to avoid that, but not I! It only takes two days of eating badly for my appetite to go away, and then the brakes are off until I start seeing physical symptoms. And put two and two together to get four. *sighs* It's since I'm working over lunch hour all the time, I've just been skipping that meal. Then it was really hard to get up in the morning, I was so tired, so I wasn't really eating breakfast. Finally, realization dawns today. :D I wasn't loosing weight this time or anything, so it's all good. And I AM getting up for breakfast tomorrow. And I'm bringing a lunch to work. *is firm* That's what I'm doing. 

The Brownie Halloween party was on Tuesday, so we got dressed up for that. Fraulein went as a marvelous Mime, and I, in a brilliant show of bluffing, dressed myself up in a blue satin thing that someone had given the family and called myself the Queen of the Night. Really, if you act as though you know what you're doing, most people won't question you. :D

"Did I mention I know almost everything about almost everything?"

I'm been such a sporadic blogger of late. I think that is because I have no time sense. It's true. There is an event, and another event, and they float disconnected in a sea of rushed images and words. I navigate by landmarks of memory, phrases and scenes that stick in my memory. This is especially odd, since I have a good memory, but if you ask me how long a thing has taken or will take, the odds are pretty good I will have no clue. The only way I know is if I work the math and count back from a number I have, whether that is a time or a date. Of course, this may be how everyone works. :D 

Well, I went for a lovely long walk on Saturday. 11.7 km, in fact. My legs were about to seize up when I got home. But I did get some very nice pictures, which I will post sometime in the future. Oh, and PT may be bringing his Girl Friend home for Christmas, which should be fun! 

I see another reason I didn't post. A signal lack of things to talk about. :D 

But I did make pork barbecue in the slow cooker, which was a success. Also, we're going to have a working shower tomorrow evening at five pm. For the first time in three weeks. 

HURRAH! 

Oh My My

I was trying to figure out what Gid reminded me of at breakfast the other day, and then it hit me. He is starting to look like the pictures of famine victims you see in the news. Huge eyes, fragile hands, delicate bone structure, all the symptoms of tenuous life. 

This is particularly problematic given my tendency to hide from social contact, including my family. Anything where I have to make eye contact and/or listen to someone else's breathing, or even, *gasps*, actually make conversation, I avoid. 

Life is weird. 

"There'll be better days, willow."

I was scheduled to do a ten minute presentation this morning at 9:00am. I was a bit nervous about speaking, given my tendency to start panicking and stammering. As it turns out, I need not have worried about speaking. 

I should have worried about waking up with my alarm clock. When I was happily curled into a small ball in my warm bed and waiting for my alarm to go off, Fraulein came into my room and asked when I was working. I muttered something about nine. Whereupon she just gasped in horror. Suddenly, I was very awake. That was 9:53, when I exploded out of bed and glanced at the clock as I started quick-changing. I was at the bank at 10:02, feeling sick to my stomach. And the scariest thing? No one mentioned it. *cringes* I don't like being incompetent! *cries*

But I did balance perfectly, first go round, and then I made a cake at home.

I also bowed to the inevitable and made a folder for nerdy bookmarks. Because the python site really can not honestly be stored under "travel."

"Who are "They" and why are they putting stuff in my shoes?"

Yesterday seemed to go by really fast. In fact, any time that I'm not at work has been seeming to whoosh by me. I think my time sense is broken. Oh wait...

Our laundry machines have been taken out of commission, so after the mountain of used clothing threatened to fill the kitchen we decided that it was time to take desperate measures. Slonner and I were therefore yesterday dispatched to take possession of the laundromat. Our departure was delayed by the fact that the small ones had taken the laces out of my shoes. They had then tied themselves to the wall with them, as "they were in space and the lines were to make sure they didn't float away." But we got away eventually. 

We ended up spending three and a half hours in the Laundromat. And for most of that time we had the place to ourselves. And we filled it. Just to show you a glimpse of the enormity of the task that is laundry in our house; at one point we had five washers and seven dryers running. At the same time. It took two car loads just to get all the laundry up to the Laundromat in the first place. So Slonner and I suspended our time senses and stuffed machines. It was fun. :D

In the evening, Fraulein and I watched Enemy Of The State. I like that movie. *grins* It has sufficient conspiracy to please me, and that is saying something. I need to go through it to collect quotes. 

Oh, and at 10:30 I found out that a paper I said I would write for fun was due tomorrow. That is, before I go to sleep. *stares blankly at the screen, and then swallows hard* I really wish I had actually thought about the subject I said I'd write on... Yeah, I jury-rigged a paper, of sorts. It's held together with finishing nails and hope, and has gaps in the logic you could drive trucks through. There is no continuity from paragraph to paragraph, and it ends with a half-page quote which has nothing to do with anything. So just like all my papers, right? :D No. This one is really REALLY bad. I'm not showing it to anyone. If I had planned to share it around, I would have done a preliminary sweep for logic. 

It was fun, in a hard, Oh-my-word-my-brain-has-atrophied-when-I-wasn't-looking, WHERE ARE MY QUOTES AND CAN I QUOTE A NOVEL, Why? Just why? Sleep is looking awfully good right now, sort of way. Maybe I'll do another one and actually spend some awake time on it. *laughs merrily*

Oh. I'd better get to work. Ciao!

What if you fight your way through to the good and it is also terrible?

Life is so much more cruel and more beautiful than we would like to pretend. It is our culture's tradition to avow that everything works out the way we want it to, with no deviations from the plan. No surprises, except for the ones we were hoping for at the back of our minds. And it's such a lie. Life has a way of driving you to the ground gasping for air. Fate likes to strip the comfortable woolly blinders off our eyes and make us actually look at the world. 

This is a circuitous way of saying, of course, that God has other plans.

My imagination is just not able to encompass the incredible vastness of the future. It is more tender then I can think of, and more bitter. There is more sorrow, and more love, more joy and more pain. The future is unfriendly and so welcoming, uninterested in little me and decked out in banners for my arrival. There are more surprises than I can comprehend, though surprises are not always hand in hand with happiness. 

I just can't get my head around it. 

How do you prepare yourself for a child under the age of three who is on a morphine drip for eight hours a day, and yet who still gives away her candy to her friends when they visit? How do you even look in the eyes of a person who is withdrawing the contents of their entire bank account to fly across the country and take care of their best friend's daughter after the death of the best friend? What do you about people who will get up four hours before the sun to cook a meal for guests, and then drive the meal out to the guest's house when they can't make it across town for the dinner? What will make you expect a little boy who has started to say that it hurts to be picked up- in imitation of his idolized older brother who is dying of cancer? 

It's like we can only see the previews in black and white, no audio, and then the full feature is in HD, surround sound. 

"I'm sorry. I- I, I react to a certain doom a certain way. It's a bad habit."

Working at the bank continues to be fun, though it also has its share of nerve-wracking moments, such as when I discovered my cash was out by almost ten thousand dollars earlier this week. You try to think out paying that back, and the numbers very suddenly cease to be abstract. It all turned out to be an accounting error and I was only actually out by $0.65, which is much better for my blood pressure.

You also overhear some inadvertently hilarious conversations. Case in point;

Two elderly men talking.
"How you doing, my son?"
"Not bad, not bad at'all." *inhales and sucks on his teeth* "Had a heart attack last Sunday."
"Yes, well, 'orrrible weather we're 'avin', eh?"

I just about laughed in my customer's face, but managed to swallow it in time.

What else has happened? Hmmm. Well, I had a rather surreal moment this morning when I glanced up at the weather channel and they were showing something about the orbits of Venus and Mercury while talking about solar storms. I've been thinking in Science Fiction of late in preparation for Nano, and I had one of those moments when you're not quite sure which reality you inhabit. Similar to when I was on a WWII kick and heard the air raid siren go off.

 *blinks* "What was that?" 

I never did find out why the Weather Channel was talking about extra-terrestrial weather, but I am reasonably certain that it wasn't because said weather promises to interfere with the heavy shipping three-planet route. 

And in other news; despite weighing about as much as a winter coat, Gid is now taking 25% more Codeine than an adult would per dose, (and he's talking every four hours,) as well as slow-dose Morphine. They don't stock narcotics in town, so Mommy and Daddy are going on a Date to the next town to pick it up. 

Reno(vation) Pics!

End of Day One

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End of Day Two

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The stress seems to be having an effect at this point. Notice Slonner's charming nose decoration.

End of Day Three

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End of Day Four

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End of Day Five!

Read this.

This is why I love Chesterton. Stark raving awesomeness. :P

"I saved your life!" "No you didn't."

I got a birthday present today! I'm gleeful. Third World sent me a present for my birthday, but it got turned back at the border the first time. So, instead of saying "Hard Times, girlie." (as most people will do when an international parcel gets sent back), she sent it again! So now I have two new DVDs (X-men and Sahara) and a stuffed puppydog with an adorable, no other word for it, pleading expression. 

In other news, the mainfloor is covered in two inches of polybead, then radiant heating piping, then wire mesh. Tomorrow we pour cement. I am going to be at work when the actual pouring of cement starts, but given the size of the job it'll probably still be going on when I get back four hours later. Darn. :P 

I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but the bathroom is gone. As in, two walls are now reduced to support beams and the counter, bathtub, toilet, sink and counter are at the dump. While this does free up a marvelous amount of floor space, it also makes things a bit touchy when it comes to showering. And you know; renovation days and associated grunge, having to go to work in a respectable environment, my natural tendency to attract any loose powders in the kitchen, so on and so forth; it seemed like a good idea to beg, borrow or steal a means to get clean. 

As it turns out only begging was required. I traipsed over to the neighbors house with all the little ones in tow. "Hi, can we use the shower?" "What?! Oh. It's the crazy people in the old church. Just head on upstairs." *smirk* (Actually, Mommy had called ahead of time. I'm not THAT lunatic.) The two teenage boys (13 and 18) tried to set up invisibility vibes when the horde of small children invaded their living room, but since they were both using laptops the attempt was futile. Shiny things... Since I am the soul of mercy I distracted the small ones with my own laptop, thereby proving that you should always bring your laptop with you, even to shower. Of course my laptop was liberally spiced with death threats, but it also had Photobooth- which means that it easily won out over a pair of motley Dell-ish things. 

It's Palin! *cough* *coughcough* Right. I'll be quiet now. 

And then we came home and vegged out.

"It's like my brain has a mind of its own!"

We're back in renovation mode. I'm enjoying it. There's just something about the smell of flux and propane in the air and mugs of tea containing unidentifiable house dust every three hours. Due to my job I haven't been able to be here much lately, but I did help to take down a wall today. 

Unfortunately, all the crowbars were claimed. 

This is where one sees if one can kick through a wall. Seemingly, one can. One cannot punch through a wall without repercussions, however, which is why one is typing slowly. 

The remedy is inexperience.

The sleepover was fun, in a "prepare for the worst" type of way. Seeing as I had no expectations of fitting in or being included, I was able to move right past the unbroken social ice and enjoy the chocolate fondue. But for the other girls, who are used to being more comfortable in social situations, it was really awkward. 

But we had fondue, and made jewelry, and went on a walk to see horses and peacocks. Regrettably, the girls, (age 15 - 17) weren't interested in a night walk, but it was lovely and crisp in the morning. 

The fondue was just amusing all around. The majority of the girls didn't know you could make any kind of fondue other than chocolate, and once the cheese and broth were presented several of them turned out to be anti-green pepper or just anti-vegetable. One of the girls even thought that chicken was poisonous. I kid you not, she thought it was dangerous to touch. You've got to wonder.. So that was pretty much what I expected. But I was pleasantly surprised about their willingness to participate in crafts and try mushrooms in cheese fondue and such.:D Of course, Fraulein was awesome, as she always is, so she mustn't think these comments apply to her. A WHOLE other maturity level there. :P Granted, she DID make us turn around and go back home to pick up her permission slip, but that doesn't even count. 

Looking back, I see that I've been unusually able this weekend to just sit back and laugh tolerantly at things which would usually raise my blood pressure. For instance, the fact that I was recruited as a "leader" but the lady running the show kept calling on her 15 year-old daughter instead and leaving me stuck at the table. I just grinned wider and made a set of earrings. 

Then tonight was my first time watching the new season of the Amazing Race, which was oodles of fun. (I was working last Sunday night, 'member?) One thing stuck in my mind, however. If they were speaking anything other than English, all the teams spoke in Spanish. Directing their taxi drivers in Spanish and such. The only issue was that, this was their second leg in Brazil. Anyone else see any discrepancy there? Anyone??

Your head would look good on the end of a pole!

While PT is on the mainland, he left his car at the Citadel1. And while it is here and he isn't Fraulein and I have the use of it. MWHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!! *rubs hands together* We have a car! A car of our own! To go places in! Places like Tims! *maniacal giggling*

The only issue is, it's a standard. Now, I'm used to an automatic. The only standard I've driven is the Suburban full of screaming children2. And that was last summer. Moreover, I haven't driven at all for over a year. And Fraulein doesn't have her license yet. But we are not the sort to let little things like those stop us! Instead, we both drove. At the same time. Oh yes, we're awesome. 

Fraulein worked the stick, and I handled the clutch, brake, accelerator, lights, steering wheel, and funky things of that sort. This was decided the first night, where after we were on the road I realized that I couldn't see the dials, didn't know where the gears were, and was still in first gear in the middle of the road. It was an exciting drive. Then on Thursday Fraulein had to go into Gander for dance class. Gander is 45 minutes away on the TCH, when driving the speed limit3. And we drove in. 

It was fun! I got to go to a bookstore for the first time in two months, and spent time in a coffee shop. Coffee shops are very conducive to the imagination. I have decided this. There were also a few teenagers with stunningly profane vocabularies, which was illuminating. I didn't know you could use those words in quite those ways, but apparently it works. Fraulein and I also drove home without incident. This included two treacherous trips through drive-thrus, where nothing was hit and no one was injured. I'd call the day a signal success. 

Last night was my last shift at McWork. I think, as much as I did enjoy working with some of the people, I won't miss it. I transition easily, to the point that I don't generally miss anything, and McWork was not something I looked forward to the day before, let's just say. Usually tricks are played on people who are leaving, so I spent much of the night treading carefully. But apparently I am "too nice to soak." I escaped unscathed. 

Fraulein and I are going to go on a Rangers sleepover tonight. I have to leave Yinsen at home. *is sad* But there is the chance of a midnight hike, and possible falling in the ocean, which is always marvelous. :D

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1.That's the name of our house, in case I haven't mentioned that before. 

2. Yes, literally full of children, (every seat full,) and they were less than enthusiastic about my driving. It was- memorable.

3. Most people do it in 20 minutes. We're a law abiding bunch around here!

This was always the plan.

My computer has a name. 

Yinsen. 

*is happy*

"If you spray me and I'm not on fire I've giving you to the community college."

We had the police in at work today. In an unofficial capacity. You see, we had a techie come in to upgrade one of our systems. (I'm not important enough to know the details. :D) And in the process of doing so, he set off our tamper alarm. We continued as per normal, ignoring the high-pitched siren that was emanating from the secure room where he was locked in with the senior cashier. After about twenty minutes of this, a very confused off-duty RCMP Officer poked his head in the door. "Do you, uh, hear that alarm?" So the other cashiers laughed at him and sent him away. :D Just a normal day in your local friendly financial institution! (Interestingly, my reaction to alarms has gone down significantly since spending time at McWork. I just blink at them.)

Ah, and yesterday I had my first ever conference call! It was magical! Actually, it wasn't quite magical, but it was quite fun. The lady facilitating the training call was from Winnipeg, and everyone else was from Ontario. After about twenty minutes of general conversation we were told to preface our statements with our names, since we all had similar voices. Then she retracted that order, saying that Ali, (who moved to Toronto from Iran five years ago), and I (who apparently has a strong Newfoundland accent), wouldn't need to state our names. Mainlanders. :D 

Yesterday PT stopped by on his way to visit grandparents on the mainland. He and the Walrus are going out to help out for two weeks. Regrettably, I was at work all day. But I consoled myself with watching Ironman. Which is a good movie. A very good movie. My oh my. Everyone and their uncle, it seems, had been watching it and raving about it, so I had to preorder it on itunes so that I could watch it at the first available legal day. That was not even an option, really. (I sense disapproval oozing from those among us who do not have access to a theatre and are not fond of that fact, so I will qualify my previous assertion and say that everyone and their uncle who live in or near a city watched it and told me to watch it.) And it was awesome. Did I say that already? 

And I want Mr. Stark's computer. Actually, I want his whole house, but that computer is amazing to the nth power. *stares at it* For those who are gearheads- you know who you are- it is worth it to watch the movie just for the computer. And if you're a gearhead and don't know it, this movie will show you. Also the dialogue is marvelous, as are the characters, the cinematography is lovely, the effects are beond cool, and the plot makes me happy, but the computer rocks my socks. *writes fanfiction about the computer* :P

Now I need to go fold some laundry so I can jury-rig some more sudo-professional outfits. Valeo!

"Downtown Lewisporte, alive and well. Only, it's not exactly alive, or well. But it is Downtown Lewisporte..."

A quote from the McWork meeting on Tuesday, when we were asked if all the managers enforced the rules consistently. 

Kenneth: "Yeah, they do. They all always tell me to shave every time I come in."
Joan: "Don't feel bad, they tell me to shave too."

Work today was rather amusing, due to the fact that no one had had quite enough sleep. (Reasons ranged from early-riser children, to drunk'n'rowdy husbands, to vivid dreaming. I'll let you decide which one applied to me...) We were all giggly. Including the guys, which was rather disconcerting whenever you stopped to think about it. *smirks* 

There was one moment that could have gotten quite interesting- when Norman told me to shut up and go away cause I was taking all the fun out of everything- but our manager Pauline managed to keep the peace. 

The situation arose in this manner. 

As anyone who knows me knows, I tend to use archaic, unusual, large, and even subculture-specific words in general conversation. As anyone who knows me also knows, I have a difficult time letting other people's smart remarks pass without a returning smart remark of my own. If the person is quick, a delicious verbal battle usually commences. If the person is not quick (or unused to girls talking back) a confused expression is donned and the conversation dies. Norman does not seem to be one of the former group. He tries, but is severely hampered by not recognizing most of my vocabulary. At any rate, after I responded to one of his remarks, I don't remember what it was, he said that I sucked all the fun out of life because I turned everything into an educational moment. Hmmmm. I should point out here that no one else at work has yet made a negative comment about my vocabulary.  So. Norman seemed to find that observation hilarious, and he kept repeating it at intervals throughout the morning. All in a joking manner, and not mean-spirited- but still... Pauline, the manager, noticed that I wasn't grinning quite so broadly at the comments after a couple of hours. And after Norman told me to shut up and go away, she said- in his presence; "He's just intimidated by your intelligence, honey. You should get used to that." So I stopped reverting to my age ten memories of being told I talked weird, and perked right up. Norman, on the other hand, went quiet and stopped teasing me. So a crisis was averted. :P

Then after work, the family went up to the Penney's for a BBQ. The food was lovely, and the conversation was hilarious. My stomach hurt from laughing by the time dessert was brought out. Unfortunately I can't quite remember any of the quotes. They wouldn't be the same without the accent anyhow. *makes dismissive motion*

"There is nothing wrong with a life of peace and prosperity!"

I got onto the system today! And my brain exploded. 

Yeah, I've had a headache since about Noon. This is due to doing nine courses that are supposed to take an average of an hour each, in five and a half hours. Which is what happens when you read fast and have worked in customer service before. But I did learn some interesting things. Did you know, to be eligible for Private Wealth Management, you have to have over a million dollars under the care of CIBC? I was pretty impressed. (and here I had a minor rant about things, and then realized that I was probably contravening the privacy policy I just agreed to today. Hmmmm)

Although, the one guy who didn't look at me for the past two days? The Only Guy, (OG), in the office? I walked in today in a grey shirt, and was invisible. Then I changed to a pink shirt, as per branch policy for the day, and he suddenly perked up, said hello, and waved at me. Now, the first time I walked right past OG's line of vision, and everybody else said hi to me, and he said hi to everyone else, so it wasn't that I was sneaking in or that he was occupied. Maybe he doesn't acknowledge girls who don't wear pastels. 

A mystery...

Tomorrow is work at McWork. In fact, I'm working at either McWork or the Bank every day through Thursday. Then on Friday, I'm working at both. :P More power to me!

"Cause I'd probably let you in if we had a hostage situation cause I like company."

I've done two shifts at the bank so far. 

Impressions? I think I'm going to like it. 

The vault is awesome. 

"It's like in the movies, except there's no one drilling up through the floor..."

Really, it reminds me of a cross between a submarine and a storage closet. The door is about 9 inches thick, and incredibly heavy. Also, all the safes have double locks, of which any one person can only know the combination for one, and more locks inside. And they're on time combinations, which is mildly marvelous. 

There is also a whirring machine that counts bills, and a cart to push coins around since they're too heavy to carry. And I can see the inside of the ABMs and the Night Deposit, uh, thing. I don't think I'm high ranked enough to actually count the deposits, but that may come in time! *is hopeful*

The actual job looks quite interesting. *grins* Foreign Exchange... Of course, it will take a while until I'm actually out front. I have a lot of training to do. And the training is not hurried along by the whole IT vs. HR issue. First HR hadn't given me a employee number, so I couldn't be logged on to any computer. That was yesterday. Then today I received an employee number, logged on, and came up against IT. It seems that HR hadn't talked to IT, so IT didn't know I was allowed on the system. "Try again tomorrow..." FUN. But despite the fact that I've not been able to do any actual training so far, I have learned a couple of things. For one, due to a "possible or perceived" conflict of interest, I'm not allowed to serve anyone I'm related to, in a relationship with, or was formerly employed by. Also, I'm supposed to make the experience of banking at our branch "delightful" for customers. Not just pleasant, delightful. No use aiming low, eh?

Oh, and the break room looks like a church basement. The same out-of-date-but-still-hearty furniture. The same immortal fridge. The same cupboards full of mismatched cups. Even the same pale yellow paint and sunflower border. So there's a strange sense of deja vu involved in taking break time. 

The co-workers seem to be nice. I forgot to bring lunch the first day (too much time on Fast Food), and most of the staff pitched in to give me something. :D Since they are all on the thinner side of toothpick, I ended up having a larger dinner than most of the staff. :D There is one lady, the other recent hire, who doesn't like me because I got the part-time job and she was hired for call-in. This is probably exacerbated by the fact that most people seem to think I'm 17. But maybe if I ignore the office politics, they'll go away! Right? :D The one guy in the office has also yet to look me in the eye. He just slides on by whenever I"m present, talking loudly to everyone else within eyesight. Which is slightly disconcerting, but I'm used to being invisible if necessary. *grins*

It's a little overwhelming, but I think I'll like it. 

Be careful what you wish for. You might get it.

My security check went through at the bank! So I'm now officially employed by CIBC. I start on Wednesday. 

And I am rapidly approaching terrified. For the first time, I'm going to be working with people who are not, you know, in the fast food industry. Not that the people who work in fast food are not very nice, but the standard of behavior seems to be set a trifle higher at the bank. For example, you have to dress up. This is a clever plot to make the uninitiated feel intimidated. Observe; it purports to let you dress yourself, but you have to wear "acceptable" clothing. (What the other women are wearing. ) My clothing style has been charitably described as eccentric, and uncharitably described as weird, ugly, sloppy, and/or freakish. *bites nails* Read; regular clothes=out. Whereas the clothing you have to wear costs more money. Which I've been spending on (a) Debt Remittance, (b) a shiny Computer, (c) Food, and (d) Movies. Also (e) Gifts. I don't have a great deal in the bank. 

Ha ha, bank. Funny bank. Oh my word I'm scared. So there's the fear of not fitting in, since I do that so incredibly well, except this time my job is somewhat dependent on it. 

And also, there's the large-ish part of me that is petrified of being stuck in this town for a year or more. "They" say that the time will pass quickly.  And if it does? Should I feel better about spending a year doing nothing that makes me marvel at the world if I don't notice the time pass? I just wake up and realize that a year has slipped by without remark? I haven't even been out of town, except for the wish trip, since April. That is rapidly approaching five months. And let my point out that I am speaking of not being outside of a town with four thousand people. The only place to go after 11 p.m. is Tim Hortons. One of the three sit-down restaurants in town shuts down due to lack of business in winter. 

I know, also, that if God wants me to get out of town he will provide a way. And the reverse is also true. So obviously I was meant to be stuck here for the last few months. But that doesn't stop me being scared. Knowing that a thing is best and wanting it to happen are two completely different things, unfortunately. You always hear about people who have lived in a town for twenty for more years, and they say "I always wanted to travel, but the opportunity never came up." What if that's me? 

Stupid fear, I know, but really hard to shake. And I also have to put in my notice at McWork, also fun. 

This is me, scared....

And far away is just somewhere you've never been...

Yes yes, I know I haven't been writing lately. That is for a rather simply reason.

Nothing of note has happened. And as riveting as my normal life of work, sleep, chores, walks and computer stuff is- it tends to get old after extensive description. 

I did have one minor epiphany though. I was talking to a friend about apathy, and then started thinking about how pervasive it is. People, especially in my generation, just don't care. We have little to no motivation to seek anything other than our own pleasure. So anything other than that which will make my life more fun NOW is somehow seen as silly. 

I think that is yet another symptom of Post-modernism. If there is no truth, there is no thing beyond one's self to become passionate about. No honour, no duty, no faith, no hope. It's the ultimate excuse for selfishness. Not only does nothing have eternal consequences, since nothing is either "right" or "wrong," the only way it can be evaluated is in how it effects one personally. Thereby, there really is no reason to care about all that stuff out there which is not obviously shaping one's life for the better or the worse. "Better" and "worse" being highly subjective terms. :D

This is the kind of thing which seems highly profound when you're wiping off tables at work. Of course, it was already probably covered in the PoMo lecture and my brain was just quivering like jelly from upcoming exams. This is where all my profound thoughts come from...

Some people say he's mad- but he's not. He's enlightened.

Today at work I proved that it is possible to punch yourself in the nose. All that is required is a box of forks, an enclosed space, a high shelf, and stupidly fast reflexes. 

Hey presto! Bleeding nose. 

It came.

 This is what happens when Fraulein and I play with shiny new computers.