Something to make you chortle.

The best Christian Pick-up Lines.

• Nice bible.
• Is this pew taken?
• I just don't feel called to celibacy.
• For you I would slay two Goliaths!
• I would go through more than Job for you.
• You are perfect, except with all the sin.
• When Moses struck the rock, water flowed from it like a river. I promise I will never strike you.
• You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you.
• What, this here? Oh.. that's my study bible - it's a little bigger but I can handle the extra spiritual and physical weight.
• Shall we tithe?
• At points in my life I have been referred to as Samson.
• The word says 'Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry'; how about dinner?
• I didnt believe in predestination until tonight.
• I believe one of my ribs belongs to you.
• I know Lachlan Payne.
• (If the above gains no response) Lachlan Payne knows me.
• I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was missin' you.
• I can be your Boaz.
• My spiritual gift is my good looks... it lifts people's spirits.
• I sacrifice my Sunday mornings to look after the creche group. It's tough... but I love children.
• Is this the transfiguration? Because you are glowing.
• I have a job and I'm willing to move away from home.
• Mark driscoll takes up 35% of my ipod memory.
• Hey... I would work 7 years for your sister... but I would work 7 more years for you.
• I'm kind of a big deal at Koorong.
• Hey good-looking, Ecclesiastes 4:11.
• Absolutely. i often throw clothes into the samaritan bin.
• Bible-gateway happens to be my homepage.
• Marry me.
• Can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?
• I have many sponsor children. one in each developing nation.
• I'm one of the fortunate ones. Greek and hebrew come pretty easily to me.
• My favourite species of vegetation is the church plant.
• Did I just have mud rubbed in my eyes?
• What's an xbox?
• Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives; Because he never met you.
• I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I've converted to divine revelation.
• I look after widows.
• Is that a thinline, duo-tone, compact, ESV Travel Bible in your pocket?
• Why don't i have a bible dictionary? well, I dont really need it.
• Bathsheba had nothing on you.
• You put the 'cute' back in persecution!
• Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead.
• So, can I clothe you in righteousness?
• How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
• How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?
• If you say no, I will rip out my hair and my beard.
• If you say no, I'm going to tear my clothes, get in my sackcloth and rub dust into my head.
• If you say no, I'm going on a pilgrimage.
• Unfortunately I can't perform miracles and I've only got enough bread and fish for 2 people.
• So, my parents are home, you wanna come over?
• Let me remove my sandals before I come any closer.
• Let's say, hypothetically, you were married. I would send your husband to the front line against the Amorites.
• It's obvious to me that you sprouted from the good kind of soil.
• Feel free to meet me at the threshing floor.
• You can lie at my feet...
• If I had to choose between a romantic date with you or a night with the fellas... I would sit at home and read my bible.
• I really like your spirituality, it goes well with that shirt.
• Welcome to the christian family-the only family where brothers and sisters can marry each other.
• I did a love tester on your name and mine.. it came back 'predestined.'
• You're totally depraved but I'd still like to go out with you...
• You can come crash at my place tonight. I have a separate room prepared.
• I'm a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you're a proverbs 31 kinda woman.
• I'm interested in full time ministry, and I also play the guitar.
• If we were around with Noah... then you, me... pair.
• I arrange the substantial christian section of my bookshelf into alphabetical order. coffee?
• I sit with my mum at church.
• Let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do.
• Not a big fan of your last name, but thats cool, I can change that.
• Solomon had 700 wives. You can be my 2nd girlfriend. But bring your friends.
• I have a bible verse tattoo. It's permanent. It's also in ancient greek.
• I consider myself to be fisher of women. This would be referred to as "casting my net."
• I'm pretty much considered an elder in the congregation these days.
• It would be my honor to present you spotless on the last day.
• Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.
• When i read Philippians 4:8, i think about you.
• I prayed up the front at church tonight.
• Look, you're nearly 22. Most christians are 3 years into marriage by now; just settle for me.
• I come from Egypt... the same place Moses lived.
• My general biblical knowledge is quite vast, probably because i finished bible trivia as a child.
• Who's your favorite apostle?
• You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
• I have familiarised myself with all 5 love languages, in fact, i invented 4 of them.
• Let's go for a ride in my zondervan.
• I like to think that I'm all things to all women.
• Have you died before? Because that looks like a resurrection body to me.
• All I'm looking for is a Godly woman. I don't care that you're not attractive.
• You float my ark.
• I've been called the 11th Plague of Egypt: Boogy Fever.
• As Shammah the son of Agee a Hararite protected the field of lentils, so i wish to protect you.
• You make me want to be a better Christian.
• I will never give you reason to hammer a tent peg through my skull.
• I predicted David over Goliath... now I'm betting on you and me.
• If you were staying for the tribulation, I would consider staying too.. but then I would probably leave."
• If you were a leper, i would still hold your hand.. even if it wasnt attached.
• I would have asked you out to dinner, but I just put all my money in the offeratory basket.
• Hi, I'm Calvin. You were meant to choose me.
• Unlike the Israelites, who forgot the Lord, I will remember your name most of the time.
• You are a galations 5 fruit salad.
• I mentioned you in my testimony.
• The perseverance of the saints is well illustrated by the amount of time I spend talking to you.
• The Lord Jesus was into carpentry. I'm doing an apprenticeship.
• If you were my wife, I would never make you pretend to be my sister. That would be too damaging to my reputation.
• I would bring your father twelve-hundred Philistine foreskins for just one date with you.
• I saw Chris Tomlin in concert once.
• Last week, I read Jeremiah, Isaiah and Ezekiel. It's all part of my 'Read-The-Bible in 30 days Course.'

"You sent me flowers, when you were strong/ you were my baby, a whole year long/ all you could tell me, was how I'd done you wrong/ I've got white daises, and a lonesome song."

I need a camera, so I can go out and see things again.

Also, I'm beginning to believe that there is absolutely nothing in the assumption that there are jobs which are "just for stupid people." You know how people talk down on flipping burgers? Just TRY keeping up with the lunch rush at a fast food place, where you have ten seconds between orders and you're primarily working off of the mumbled, annoyed orders that are coming over the speaker- and then I'll consider taking your word for it when you say that that is a job only for the lazy, unmotivated and brain dead.

Similarly, let's look at ditch digging. On days when you're feeling lazy, have you ever thought "Oh, I'll go dig a ditch through the back yard! That sounds delightful!" I know I certainly haven't. Digging ditches is a JOB, and if it's not done properly, we all get flooded basements, or worse.

Unless the ditch diggers are working for the government, eh? :D Jk, jk, you know I jk. Everyone works hard. Okay, that's all my (rather small) rant for the day. :D

I will be back LATER!

STAY TUNED!

P.S. The title is from Rose Cousin's new Album, The Send Off. You can listen to the song here- it's White Daisies.