Whew. Okay, my dad pointed out- without knowing quite to the extent that I was freaking out- that investing in anything is ridiculously expensive, and I'm worth the investment. Not quite sure still that I believe him on the second part, but at least I'm not wanting to stab myself with markers quite so much right now.

"I have no special skills. I am only passionately curious."

I've been looking at going back to university. And y'know, it looks interesting and all, but I've written if off for years simply because it's so expensive. That and I already had education debts. But I'm a.) finally paying off my debts as of two weeks from now, and b.) feeling trapped in a small town. So I'm looking again at getting OUT of here, and since I am passionately curious about many things, university seems a logical avenue to look into.

But I have to MOVE away, which means rent and food costs. Which means, with tuition and maybe buying two books or going to the theatre once a year, I'm looking at about 20 thousand dollars in living and school expenses for most schools.

A year.

I didn't make that much last year, all year! And I was working in a bank!

And since I and my family am not high income by the standards of anyone who lives in the Western World, I have to do it all on loans.

Which means in four years, I'm taking on about 80 thousand dollars in loans.

I HATE debts. They sap the joy from my soul, and the work I need to take to pay them off does the same. And it'll take YEARS to pay them off. Which I'm taking on to be frivolous and play around in books, with the ridiculous idea that I'm going to get a scholarship or teaching position out of it at the end. If I even LIKE teaching.

Cue despair?

I'e been thinking vaguely about this for a while.

So have a vague blog post!

It seems to me that there are two tendencies of human beings towards situations that are more physical than mental. The tendency towards violence, (wrath), and the tendency towards sex, (lust.) I'm phrasing this badly, but you do you know what I mean? Obviously they're not generally a reaction to the SAME situation, but they happen when you're thinking with your fists- or other body parts- rather than your reason.

My question is this. When did Wrath become a culturally acceptable reaction to nothing at all, while Lust is apparently verging on a virtue? Is it because Wrath usually ends up in pain for the person who's wrath-ful, and Lust is (in the short term) seen as pleasurable? (With the definition of happiness now being accepted as pleasure and the absence of pain.) Or could it be because Wrath is usually something that's inflicted on another person without their consent, whereas socially acceptable Lust is consensual, and seeking and getting consent is a cardinal virtue nowadays?

Anyhow, this has been rolling around in my head long enough. Admittedly I started thinking about it because I get angry very easily, much faster than I find myself attracted to anyone. So I don't even have social approval of my deadly sins. SIGH, life is so unjust.

Jk, jk, you know I jk. ^_^

Hopefully if I write this idea down, I can move on to other weird things. Like why country music can make me cry. I mean- why IS that?

P.S. I'm looking at universities to attend. Those places are EXPENSIVE!